May 21, 2015

Shut.Up

I've felt a need to write lately, for no other reason than in hopes of calming the crazy in my mind. I thought maybe it would help to write all the feelings that come with trying to have it all and not lose your shit on a daily basis. Two years ago, got the dream job, worked ass off at dream job to get dream promotion. Then have been riddled with anxiety since getting dream promotion. It's a vicious cycle isn't it? How you can be really happy, feel entirely blessed with what you have, but also have a constant fear of it slipping away?

Insert where my fingers meet the keypad and I sheepishly say "I'm Back..". Also, my sister is somewhere around here, maybe I can get her to come and talk about life with her 5 year old. Yes, time flies when you're Adulting (my new term for when you are acting like an adult but you don't feel like one) real hard.

Here is my attempt to discuss everything and anything that's on my mind in hopes it shuts the hell up.

My short list


  • Happiness
  • Anxiety
  • Work/Life Balance
  • Babies? ugh
  • Friends? double ugh
  • Adulting (not to be confused with adultery, but I guess that's a solid subject too) 
  • Conquering yoga studios
  • Worthiness
  • Woman CEO's
  • How Do I become more creative?
  • Conquering pretty much any physical activity
  • Airplanes

June 10, 2013

Intention

Man! It's been a while since I've posted. So many days of the week I think of things I want to write when I'm driving, or sitting at my desk when the last thing I can do is just sit down with my thoughts and write. Isn't that how so much of life is? You feel like working out when you're at your desk? You feel like going for a drink while you're working out? It goes on and on. See, the intention is there, it's just rearranging your life to add the things that are important in it. I've been trying to be better at giving myself more balance as a person. I haven't started the new job yet, but I am determined to start it off on the right foot. I want to figure out what it is that keeps me balanced, and make a commitment to doing those things. Writing. Working out. Reflecting. Being Positive. Sometimes it takes a commitment to do the things you love, which seems so ironic. What is it about ourselves that everything else gets our time except the things we enjoy the most? Intention is such a powerful word, don't you think? But left undone, intention is nothing but a promise left unfilled. We all intend to do things: call that old friend, let go of a grudge, start eating healthy for ourselves, take that class, tell someone how you really feel...... This summer, while the earth gives me more daylight, I am going to take more time for life to make more of my intentions realities, including being more present here on my blog more.

Won't you join me??


May 19, 2013

Shot Caller



A few weeks ago I applied for a new job. I couldn't tell you why I applied since I love my job, my boss, and I think that I am pretty good at what I do. There's no drama, I can take days off, and I'm rewarded for a job well done. So again, not sure why I went out and applied for another job when I was perfectly fine in the one I was in. Once I formally told my boss I was interested (it was a position inside my current company), and cried (what a baby!), a little part of me felt a twinge of excitement, a feeling I think I haven't felt for a while in my career.

Still, did I mention I loved my job?

Anyhow, after multiple interviews, and a strange hiring and interviewing process, nothing happened. I started looking for signs in the universe to tell me if I had made a good decision by putting my old job on the line for the opportunity of a new one. It would be in a field I wanted to be in, away from a field I was content in, but didn't feel true passion for. Was I potentially burning a bridge that needn't be burnt? Suddenly the whole universe was telling me not to take the job (although it hadn't even been offered to me, a little presumptuous, I know). Signs were everywhere! On weird Pinterest quotes, on the street, on billboards, the whole "if this happens today this means this scenarios". What's more is that everyone close to me also said to not take it once it had been offered. They had some valid reasons, and it left me so confused. What do I do when not only the world is telling me no, but everyone I know best is telling me no too?

I said yes.

And then I hope the world and those same people are there if I need them when they turn out to be right, but hope that they are wrong. Because sometimes beyond any reason, you just have to say yes and then figure everything else out after. I don't know if this is the best move for me, but I also don't know that it's not. I have the opportunity to learn a tremendous amount, and that leaves me both excited and paralyzed with fear. To learn, whether it be a good or a bad lesson, is nonetheless a lesson.

So I'm doing a little bit of fate testing. Highly superstitious Shanelle, the one that always put her soccer gear on in a specific order, and Shanelle who once dumped a boyfriend based on a billboard she saw that thought it meant they weren't suppose to be together has decided to tell the universe when it says "What do you think you're doing?"

Hey universe, I call the shots here, not you.



yah to a new job









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